:
[SIZE=13.5pt]Some real good pointers here.......although[/SIZE],[SIZE=13.5pt] a couple of them do seem a little restrictive and 'uppity'. [/SIZE]
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[SIZE=10pt]1. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Never take a beer to a job interview.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]2. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]3. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]4. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]5. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=10pt]DINING OUT [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]1. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]2. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=10pt]ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]1. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]2. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=10pt]PERSONAL HYGIENE [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]1. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]2. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]3. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=10pt]DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY) [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]1. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]2. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]3. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]4. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya' sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=10pt]WEDDINGS[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]1. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]2. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Putting your hands into her pants for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]3. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance..[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]4. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]5. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]It is not appropriate to tell the groom how much our wife sweats and smells in the sack.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=10pt]DRIVING ETIQUETTE [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]1. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]2. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]3. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]4. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]5. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]6. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=10pt]TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER: [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]1. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]All the DNA is the same.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]2. [/SIZE][SIZE=13.5pt]There are no dental records[/SIZE]
