Joke of the Day

[Double Tap]

Three old guys are sitting on the porch of the old folks home rocking in their chairs. The first old man says, "Windy, ain't it?" To which the second old fart replies, "No, it's Thursday."
The third old timer pipes in, "Me too. Let's go get a beer."

 

[Double Tap]

Says the teenaged boy to his young girlfriend, "What's the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job?" To which the girl says, "I don't know."
"I'll take you to lunch tomorrow.", says the boy.

 

[dougandbugs]

What red also bad for teeth answer brick.

 

[Double Tap]

What red also bad for teeth answer brick.

What the actual fuck?

 

[Double Tap]

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable. Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words? After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday. Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day Does anyone know another word. I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny. Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. Ok Mike, what is your word. Saturday. says, Mike. Great, that has three syllables. Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says " I know a four syllable word, pick me....." Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful" No Ma'am, your thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables.

 

[Hawx]

Married Life:

After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform in bed anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally the doctor says to him, "This is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor.
The witch doctor tells, "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks the witch doctor, "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says, "All you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets a massive erection.
His wife turns over and says, "What did you say '123' for?"