Growing up or making a living having to literally fight for your life absolutely molds a person's brain, their outlook, and their worldview.
"Normal" people who havent had to do so might say they understand, but I assure you that you don't.
You can't understand it unless you've had someone try to kill you, in the literal sense, the way that makes your back go up against the wall and you begin to look at the world with goggles on that are always alerting you to how someone is trying or will try to take your life.
Everyone begins looking like an enemy, and really you know that anyone can be your enemy, and the things that people are capable of are appalling, terrifying, and dangerous.
Living like this tends to increase worst-case thought processes, where the mind's eye sees the worst possible end result and then your brain fills in the procedural gaps that takes you from where you are now to that most dangerous end result.
Again, if you havent lived it, you dont really know it.
The first time you look down the wrong end of a handgun alone on a dark street outside a movie theatre and they ask if you wanna get clapped amd you know they dont mean a standing ovation, the first time someone tries to stab you and you just got pubic hair the year before and a mall full of bystanders dont want to get involved and you know it's up to you alone and you thank fuck you grabbed his wrist fast enough and that your forehead met the bridge of his nose just perfectly, when the swing of a knife leaves a scar on your abdomen and you have 10th grade exams next week, when you lose function of a finger tendon because you had to grab the blade to take the knife away, when you see someone's eyes roll into the back of their head as they lay on the street and you know it's over, these things make everyone look like an enemy.
It's very hard for the traumatized brain to not see worst case scenarios; it knows that anyone can be an enemy. And it's very easy for white picket fences and strawberry fields to not understand any of this.
So I get you Covert, and I don't judge.
What looks like hate to the uninitiated is a protection mechanism that ensures survival in the worst case scenarios.
"Normal" people who havent had to do so might say they understand, but I assure you that you don't.
You can't understand it unless you've had someone try to kill you, in the literal sense, the way that makes your back go up against the wall and you begin to look at the world with goggles on that are always alerting you to how someone is trying or will try to take your life.
Everyone begins looking like an enemy, and really you know that anyone can be your enemy, and the things that people are capable of are appalling, terrifying, and dangerous.
Living like this tends to increase worst-case thought processes, where the mind's eye sees the worst possible end result and then your brain fills in the procedural gaps that takes you from where you are now to that most dangerous end result.
Again, if you havent lived it, you dont really know it.
The first time you look down the wrong end of a handgun alone on a dark street outside a movie theatre and they ask if you wanna get clapped amd you know they dont mean a standing ovation, the first time someone tries to stab you and you just got pubic hair the year before and a mall full of bystanders dont want to get involved and you know it's up to you alone and you thank fuck you grabbed his wrist fast enough and that your forehead met the bridge of his nose just perfectly, when the swing of a knife leaves a scar on your abdomen and you have 10th grade exams next week, when you lose function of a finger tendon because you had to grab the blade to take the knife away, when you see someone's eyes roll into the back of their head as they lay on the street and you know it's over, these things make everyone look like an enemy.
It's very hard for the traumatized brain to not see worst case scenarios; it knows that anyone can be an enemy. And it's very easy for white picket fences and strawberry fields to not understand any of this.
So I get you Covert, and I don't judge.
What looks like hate to the uninitiated is a protection mechanism that ensures survival in the worst case scenarios.